A Very White Heart Lane

Being a Tottenham Hotspur fan teaches you two things.

1. Hate your neighbour
2. expect disappointment

Yesterday I visited Tottenham’s stadium for the first time. It has been something I have wanted to do since I was four but my dad hates large groups of people so it has been impractical. I had a great time but it is a shame Tottenham play their games in Tottenham. I have never felt such a constant fear that I would become a victim of knife crime. Even the police looked like they might stab you for looking at them funny.

The snow has caused huge problems getting around and getting home from London was no exception. My train was delayed for an hour which I filled about half of sitting in Kings Cross giving the national rail staff filthy looks. It was after I realized that one particularly psychotic looking member of staff was staring right back at me that I decided to kill time by other means. The I-pod came to the rescue as always and so the rest of the journey passed seamlessly to the sound of “The100 greatest movie soundtracks.”

My I-pod is defiantly in my top 5 most treasured possessions. It’s an unhealthy obsession. It’s not just the music; it’s the delusional fantasy life the I-pod allows you to live. For example; I listened to The ‘Da Vinci Code’ soundtrack on the way to the station yesterday. As I walked through the snow it actually felt like I was about to unravel some mystery about the corrupt Catholic church, and in doing so save the world. It’s not just adventure films either. It’s a fact that when you listen to Bob Marley nothing bad can happen to you and while you listen to Jamiroquai every attractive woman you see is certain to put you’re penis in their mouth.

It’s not all good though. I was on the tube listening to The Dark Knight soundtrack and everyone in my carriage instantly became a terrorist suspect. It was my job to find which one of them had explosives strapped to their chest and save the world.….. I quickly switched back to Jamiroquai.