Ruffle’s Wassles

So I’m a man. 21 years on planet earth.

I spent the first hour or so of my 22nd year necking bottle after bottle of apple and kiwi VS’s. VS’s are a cheap alternative to the already cheap VK’s and they’re the same in every way except that they glow just that bit brighter. I don’t think that luminous green is a colour that occurs all that often in nature. Fire flies, those fish that live at the bottom of the sea and that’s about it. I bet I have missed out a load more but what I’m getting at is that it isn’t the first colour I would choose to eat or drink. It is a colour that says Radioactive.

The effects of consuming large quantities of luminous green are wide ranging. One guarantee is that you will not sleep well, but you can also expect to have a green tongue and the shakes the morning after. The worst thing is they actually make you thirsty. Unless you have the wettest mouth in the world as soon as you finish one you need another. Knowing this will not change anything; as soon as you have a drink in your system there is no avoiding the magnetic draw of the Florescent VS.
I was accompanied on my ill advised attempt to drink every sugary lurid liquid in the county by my friends, Candy, Handy, Gandhi, Potty Mouth, Wigan, P Dizzle, B dawg, S dizzle, Grimsby, AK, Prince and Cam who I feel deserve a mention for putting up with my Alco-pop fuelled behaviour. I went into what I can only describe as a Sugar Frenzy. Dancing like a mentalist drinking more Frenzy juice then marching home alone in order to “Remain Dignified.” which I am informed came out as “ I waanaaaa stayyyy dignityified.”

Dignity in tatters

I am back in my home town now, which is good for two reasons. The first is that I have escaped the house taste forgot. It looked like Santa’s grotto by the end of term. For a week I was half expecting to find elves squatting in my room. The second is home cooking.

Roastometer 9/10

Moistometer 2/10 I think saw a spot or two of rain

Moist Person of the Week: The inventor of the M and S chicken fajita wrap. He or she is a genius!

If you can think of anything else luminous green from nature let me know, I am hoping to have a comprehensive list.