ANTI CLIMAX

I just realized cliff hangers don’t really work when the most recent post is at the top of the page. The Gingersnaps thing was all about some free biscuits that came from a door to door salesman. He came selling tea from M and S and giving away gingersnaps with every purchase. It was just one of those once in a life time deals like when Bill Gates bought Microsoft for 400 dollars.

Ringtons Tea bags rating 9.5/10
Ringtons Gingersnaps rating 14.6/18
Ringtons Tea bags remaining 73/80
Ringtons Gingersnaps remaining 1/20

So after my 5th tea of the day I went on a night out in the student union with Seth and Pete. Living with seven men has rendered me incapable of communicating with women I don’t already know. This condition also causes me to fall in love with just about anyone and everything on a night out. I think last night I declared my undying affection for at least five women. One in particular caused me to make an absolute fool of myself. I have bumped into this girl, Sarah on several occasions and she is a fresher so obviously she should be flattered by a sweet as hell finalist showing her the slightest bit of interest. Think again. Well strictly speaking that’s not true; she gave me plenty of opportunity. We spoke for a bit then went our separate ways, I then saw her from across the room and we made eye contact but didn’t speak. Then the awkwardness inevitably followed from THE DREADED “over eye contact”. Our eyes met like three more times (randomly I’d like to add.). In different parts of the club (again not stalkerish, random!), but it wasn’t really talking distance, more leering distance. Eventually after desperately trying not to eyeball her I looked right into her fat eyes again and cringed right in her face at my own accidental stalker behaviour. Romance over. Some of the more optimistic of you might say she was trying to make eye contact with me. All I will say is I seriously doubt it. That will teach me for Fresher fishing. A good night out though; especially when Pete pushed Seth down a hill in a trolley at the end of one of my more sophisticated evenings.

NIGHT OUT RATING 7.5/10
Woozilla rating 2/10
Drunkometer 5/10

GINGERSNAPS

The worst thing about living with your friends is they know you’re weaknesses. My ultimate weakness recently has been being talked into nights out that I just shouldn’t go on. Tonight for example; I am bound to embark on a drunken adventure with Seth and Pete. One that will start with the promise of fun, socializing and sex, but will realistically end with an alcohol fuelled headache and wanking into a fist full of tissue paper while watching porn titled something awful like ‘busty blonde bitch squeals like a weasel,” (that actually exists by the way). Only hours ago I was innocently indulging my recent fetish for French pop and world music. Then after a mild nudge from my housemates I was convinced going out tonight is the best idea anyone has ever had. We will have to see how it goes but at least if anything bad happens I am fantastically well prepared for any Survival situation thanks to today’s....


MOISTEST MAN OF THE MOMENT!

Ray Mears is probably just about as cool as it is possible to be without having sex with the girl from Gray’s anatomy. Today on Ultimate Survival with Ray Mears I learned about this awesome guy called Rogers who was in charge of an equally awesome band of British soldiers back in the old days. Basically he raided a Native American village and slaughtered an absolute hatful of women and children. Then he ate leaves for a month and camped. After a bit he went to big fort so the Indians couldn’t get revenge and everyone cheered.... what a hero! But yeah that sort of understated his military genius. Ray Mears however had me on the edge of my seat for a full hour as he described Rogers many exploits and showed us all how to eat a root if we get lost in a forest. I was going to explain why this entry is called gingersnaps, but time has caught up with me and I have to go and down a bottle of saino’s basics table wine. Perhaps another time!

HOW ABOUT THAT FOR A CLIFF HANGER?

Careers Fare

Now if you don’t know me then I should probably say that I am a student in my final year of university, which explains why I have enough time to write a blog. One thing that we students do have to do, other than destroy our livers and watch Jeremy Kyle is visit careers fares. I have to say I really hate those bloody things. Fair enough it is a good opportunity for companies to show what they have to offer in the way of jobs, and it’s also great for us students preparing to be spat, kicking and screaming into the real world to get a head start in the application process. However it always seems to me, to be one of the most worrying twenty minutes of the term; not only this, but with each passing term the worry factor increases tenfold. There are always scores of eager, clean cut, organized looking students (who wear wrist watches) crowding around equally clean cut, wrist watch wearing employers discussing in great depth, various career options. I think the reason for my fear is that, this is it. This is when all that time you spent listening to the right music, watching the right films and drinking the night before lectures in an effort to be cool finally catches up with you. From now on, it’s the geeky keeno’s in charge. My epiphany came when I stood in the middle of the careers hall with my buddies off my course. I was, trying to look a bit cool with my scruffy hair and tattered jeans waiting for the man who gives out really cool jobs to approach me, (he would be a fellow coolio) and say
“Hey man, you look pretty cool, want a job?”
To which I would reply,
“Yeah sure, do you want me to rock up from about noon till three in the afternoon and then pay me a few grand a week?”
If you haven’t been to a careers fare before, it turns out, actually this doesn’t happen. It’s the people who do the courses with all those hours of lectures and tutorials who the rest of laughed off as idiots who get the jobs.
“Hey Rich I got a free pen, what you get?”
“Hey Moist I got a job with a starting salary of 40 grand a year.”
It’s even worse if you have no idea what you actually want to do with your life. You approach a stool with a cool picture of a rocket ship or a huge car full of money and then find out that they either don’t employ Sociology graduates or the job they have to offer you is in human resources and the work involves sitting in an office telling people which part of the county they should be in over the phone. Either that or you can have a job going around telling other people what jobs they could be doing.
I left the fare, came home and watched home’s under the hammer. This would usually have been mind numbing escapism hour, but then one of the presenters said “Success only comes before work in the dictionary.” Ouch.

Show Me The Money

Having managed to sober up from my weekend in Manchester I sat down this morning and attempted to do some work for my dissertation. Roughly an hour later I decided to go into town with my friend Lucy, and three well spent hours after that we sat down to watch Jerry Maguire. A day well wasted.

The film was pretty good actually, if a little cheesy in parts. My main problem with it was that Tom Cruise is so good at playing a slime ball for the first half an hour that by the time he becomes the good guy I just can't buy it. However Cuba Gooding Jr was awesome. So good in fact that i am making him

MOISTEST MAN OF THE MOMENT!!

As far as ladies are concerned Renee Zellweger has a very difficult name to spell. Being dyslexic I resent her complex spelling and therefore refuse to comment further on her performance. It has to be said I nearly had a sob when Cuba gets injured (sorry it's not that ruined don't worry) so overall not to bad at all


Weepometer 7/10
Whats in it for him? blow job lips
Whats in it for her? a cute child with glasses and a giant head
Laughometer 5/10

OVERALL !!! 6.5/10

Finally i would just like to give the award for LOVE OF MY LIFE (for the day)

THE GIRL FROM GRAYS ANATOMY AND OLD SCHOOL !!!

Well done to you!

good night x

Manchester

night out rating 9.5/10
indian rating 7/10
overall moist rating 2/10
Drunkometer 6/10
Hangover (ten being the worst) 2/10
Overall Woozilla (ten being the best) 8/10
Individual Woozilla 3/10
LOVE OF THE DAY Kate Hudson

Dr Damp and I explored Manchester last night with our good friends Candy and Rum. They took us to for an indian on curry mile, which was sweet as hell. I had jalfrazi and Damp had a rogan josh which the Doctor called "Alright.". The best bit was it only cost us 6. 50! One of Candy's friends didnt come with us because she didn't like spice. Which i will hold against her for the rest of her life. Then we ventured to Rum's house for Pre drinks. ( the good doctor and i had already been drinking for some time and were feeling fruity). As we played Ring of fire things quickly stepped up a notch. In no time at all we were in Bar Bar's. It was an awesome place and the drinks were cheap. Damp and I got the shots in and we recommend the Dave. From Bar Bars we went to another place. It was the wierdest club I've ever been to, it was like an old man pub with loads of lights. Damp and I invented possibly the greatest bass line of all time "boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom bobo bo bo bob bobbbbbbbb" " " Bo cha bo cha bo cha bo cha. On the way home, I was called hot by a lady and my ego inflated massivley. fantastic

hangover.

My head hurts.

blogging has ruined my life

It has been roughly an hour since my first blog and it has already had a huge impact on me. I'm sat in my friends kitchen being anti social. Several people who have said hello to me have been greeted with a vacant stare as i briefly and very half-heartedly look away from the screen, only to return, moments later, to the comfort of my glowing rectangle. The only one who understands my new obsession is my companion Dr Damp. I am happily sipping on my third quadruple vodka and coke, (the glass is very moist) with my friend as we prepare for a night of galavanting in Manchester.

lots of love Moist_Chin

my first moist experience.

Having arrived in manchester for the first time in my life I was stuck by how moist it was. I can't really be bothered with an introduction of any kind but I will say that I am young man from noble stock and I intend to blog my assorted adventures and exploits.