It has come to my attention that something terrible has happened. Some sick bastard started the second layer of our Fox's luxury biscuit selection before the top layer was complete. This is a gross and unacceptable breech of confectionary law and it will not go unpunished. It is difficult to fully describe the disgust I felt when I peeled back the corrugated black card layer separator only to find the white chocolate wafers with praline filling had disappeared. I now know how it felt to unearth Tutankhamun’s tomb and then be horribly cursed. I must continue my life, doomed to eat biscuits only partially covered in chocolate or the shitty digestives.
The cookie incident left me demoralized but I have still managed to make some progress with the first of my new year’s goals. I have decided to be a banking fat cat and now that’s been decided all I have to do is wait for the banks to offer me a job and I’ll be puffing Cuban cigars and gulping whisky in no time.
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