The Drip

Ask any scientist and they’ll tell you that it’s a fact that the most restful night’s sleep you can have is a dribble sleep. Some scientists are so enthusiastic you won’t even have to ask, they’ll come and tell you. There really is no better feeling than waking up with a gooey cheek and a pool of cold mucus on your pillow. Nobody has ever been able to fully explain why it’s so satisfying to regain consciousness bathing in your own spit but it is.

I have much more time to enjoy a good bit of dribble these days. With my friends back at university and the boredom of unemployment setting in I have started to appreciate the smaller things, dribble is just one of them. Another is my new Blackberry. It has taken four years for me to get a phone that allows me to look down on people and now that I have one I couldn’t be happier. When I see fellow blackberry owners I feel the need to high-five them and boisterously shout “Blackberries!” Then I suggest we exchange bbm pins, that way, we can instant message one another all the way around the world. FOR FREE.

At first I really wanted an i-phone, but then I found out that I couldn’t afford one and swiftly realised that I’d wanted a blackberry all along. “I-phones are for wankers and posers anyway,” I reassured myself, much in the same way middle-aged men have to convince themselves Vauxhall’s are better than Jaguars.

I recently visited my friend in Bournmouth. We ate pizza, drove recklessly, smoked and drank vodka, pretty much the usual non-stop parent’s nightmare that is a twenty-something’s weekend. One thing that will stand out from the trip was our visit to ‘V’. Now V was once a church, but for some reason, it is now a club. To me, building a club in a church is like setting up a chocolate fountain in a gym. The two ideas are oppositional. I’m not at all religious, but there’s something a bit depressing about seeing a bouncers toss smashed chavs from a church, or semi naked ladies sprawling themselves over sofas that were once pews.

Who am I kidding?! It was great fun and to be honest, there isn’t that much difference between churches and clubs anyway. Look at bouncers and priests for example. I mean they’re almost identical. Both wear black, both are grumpy, boring and often bald. I hope that doesn’t mean that I’m going to hell. Gulp