Desperado

Well, well, well. Tottenham didn’t just get one over on Arsenal; no no, we gave Chelsea a damn good thrashing too and life is good.

I have arrived back at university now for my last ever term. I’m attempting to get an early start on work but am incredibly easy to distract. By that I mean I will undertake any activity that isn’t work; cooking, gym, reading FHM, TV and even a little cleaning. Well actually, I don’t have to lie to you; there has been no cleaning or tidying of any kind.

My housemates are yet to return, leaving me (drum roll) HOME ALONE and you’d be amazed what a man will get up to when left to their own devices. Taking copious masturbation as a given I have made a salsa and ummmmm...not a lot else. The truth is I squander most of my alone time wondering around the house naked, rubbing my willy on my housemates possessions. It really is one of the most satisfying things you can do.

I spent the other evening sitting in my local with four buddies who had also come up to get a start on work. Like me, they were all too eager to find a distraction and as always alcohol proved itself to be the most effective procrastination tool. The evening ended with my friends and I scattered around my living room, performing a Rolling Stones tribute concert, at three in the morning. I’m sure the neighbours were thrilled. In fact I was so convinced of this, that when my friends finally left I treated the whole road to a solo encore, covering a number of classics with cigarettes in hand and whiskey in my stomach. In my drunken state I became certain that I was the next Johnny Cash and that I should tour America on a motorbike with a guitar slung over one shoulder.(It would have to be a motorbike really as I don't quite have the nack for cars yet).

It’s probably not such a good idea to continue my whisky habbit,

I’m sure someone somewhere told me alcohol isn’t good for you.